Leben ist nicht märchenhaft...

Or so proclaims the badge that my father’s girlfriend sent me. Oh, what a terrifying prospect. I can vote, I can drink, I can smoke (again, I found it hilarious that I was banned for a whole three days, not that I do anyway), I can buy porn, sex toys and 18 movies. I am an adult. I am supposedly now responsible and mature. Yeah, right. I still feel about as immature as ever.

I guess it’s one of those big, scary daunting things, that you can’t stop but just have to deal with. But a big part of me wants to go back to primary school and play in the sandpit.

Everyone seems to want to make some kind of big fuss… but I just can’t be too bothered, it’s just a number, after all. And considering the last party I went to, I really can’t be bothered with a bunch of drama or cleaning up other people’s vomit or, even worse, making other people do it. It’s not fair and it’s not fun. So, I’m not having a party. I’m just going for sushi and will probably get myself completely and utterly off my face during half term.

Also, a rather large dampener has been put on the occasion by the whole Placebo thing. I know, I’m 18, I should be mature enough not to let a member of a band leaving upset me in this way, but it has… but more about that in another entry.

end of =]

Eeee! Yesterday was a-fucking-mazing!

Iamx entry. Insanely long, as these things are wont to be, especially when a gig’s involved and including a fair few pictures and stuff. ( So… IAMX, eh?! )

This meme made me laugh. A lot!











The past week has been pretty amazing for the most part.


One evening, Fred, Ray and I were Tumble-tossing down Ray’s street (which is a main road), with people in cars staring

I spent all of Wednesday talking in Irish accents along with Kat and Amy and insisting that ‘I am a giant, sexy, potato’ and wearing a sign, to announce it

Chris’s party was… of debatable quality. I enjoyed some bits of it immensely… others a lot less. It was a dark and light theme and Rhys, Ray and I decided to Cyber Goth it up. We all had falls and goggles and glo-stick jewelry and extravagant make-up… and looked pretty damn amazing, even if I do say so myself. Robert looked incredibly shocked and confused when he came home! On the way to the car to get a lift there, we ran into my incredibly moody, prudish neighbors, who gave us the most priceless looks I have ever seen in my life. And people we drove past started incredulously. It amused the hell out of me.
A lot of people were already pretty drunk by the time we got there. We played I’d never and squealed lots over what people said. Rhys, Ray and I stood in the bath, screaming the lyrics to ‘Liar’ at the top of our lungs, me doing the full Emilie-growl. Rhys and I snuck out and hid from Sarah and Lisa behind a car. I cooked pasta for drunk people and yelled at the Chinese take-away delivery people. I goth-danced and taught other people how to do it too. And then jumped around the living room to The Rasmus, feeling like I was about 13 again.
Rhys is amazing drunk. Sober, he doesn’t really do feelings. Tell him you love him, and he’ll say ‘Ew, no!’, or try and hug him, and he’ll push you off, saying ‘Ew, girls!’ But drunk, he’s capable of showing affection, telling you he cares and, although we know he does, it’s nice to get a glimpse of it now and again.
Things went rather downhill, though. Chris was passed out for the majority of his own party. Sophie was stupidly drunk. She threw up all over my arms, Chris’ bed and carpet. I then spent half the night scrubbing vomit off the floors and checking people didn’t choke to death on their own sick. Ray got upset. There was drama. The sober people were none too happy about having to look after the drunk people and a bench got broke.
Eventually, at 2 am, I crawled into bed with Rhys and Ray. Rhys was still in affectionate mode, and it was really nice just being close to the both of them. I couldn’t help but get the giggles, though – we were sleeping in Chris’s parent’s bed and there was a glow-in-the-dark constellation on the roof. It was pretty, but incredibly gay.
I got up at 6 to get ready for work. It was around then that Rhys woke up with the most amazing hangover. He was all white and shaking and it was really rather sweet.
I played Harry Potter cards in the kitchen with Harri and made about 20 cups of tea and coffee for people. Then Megan drove me to work.

Here’s Rhys as a drunken cyber Zombie… thing:




And me as a green cyber Goth!:




Work Saturday was doubly hilarious as I was sleep-deprived and also starting to come down with something. We have this amazing Frankenstein outfit. It’s inflatable and just gigantic. Adam went inside it first and then Sarah. They’d stand very still by the door and then moved suddenly. It was so funny, watching guys thinking they were all tough jumping out of their skins. The world and his wife seemed to come in to see me. I never knew I knew so many people! There was also a highly amusing moment when I was getting stuff out of the locker and a box of fairy lights fell on my head!

Today was a really amazing day, considering I had lessons all day. I’d left my goggles at Chris’s, so he brought them into school. I had them on my head and Mr./ Sanger asked what I was doing and then put them on over his eyes. It made my day! He was stumbling around the classroom, clinging to the bookcase, looking remarkably like Willy Wonka! Mr. Lewis also tried them on too and promised me I can take a photo!

I forgot to sign my timesheet at work, so Adam called me in. Cordelia and UI went into superdrug to ask this guy who’s been in like, 4 times, his name, for Adam. Then, we asked him if he had a boyfriend. It was brilliant!

However, now I'm really rather ill. I feel ok I'm coughing up blood again >.< I won't bother doing anything for the time being, as last time, the doctor told me I'd just coughed too hard... a week later my mum put me on antibiotics. But I'll just see how it goes. Maybe I have the consuption... how many Goth Points is that worth?

I’m sure lots more has happened… but I can’t remember it right now and have two essays to do… so I’d best be off!

I’m exhausted! Me, the girl who can go for days without sleep – has fallen asleep at 7pm and slept right through until I had to get up in the morning twice this week. I’ve barely been back at school a week and I am completely shattered- but fairly happy.

Back to school has been pretty good. All my teachers seem to be in pretty good moods for the time being and it’s so lovely not having to do psychology. Also, all of the courses seem infinitly more interesting than last years and lots of people that I disliked or that made subjects awkward have left.

Also, now I have a job! *throws confetti and does a little dance* On Friday, I saw that a new Halloween shop had opened in town and there was this awesome Goth girl that Chris had on his myspace on the door, so we chatted to her and had a look around. I asked them if they had any vacancies and they said to drop in a CV, so I did on Friday. They called me Saturday morning and I went in for an interview. Then, Saturday afternoon, they asked if I could come in!
Anyway, I work there now. The Goth girl’s name is Sarah, but she’s a model and also goes by Pyretta. She is lovely and calls me Gothy Locks and recommended me for the job as a kindred spirit :) She also often chooses the music, which means we get to dance around to Within Temptation at quiet times.
The manager is called Helen and she seemed really nice, sarcastic and straightforward. Her daughter Ellie works there too and a girl called Claire… they are nice if a little chavvy. There’s a seriously sweet Chinese girl called Cordelia (a name I have been in love with since we started King Lear in English) who is a glam rocker! And the deputy manager (and only guy) is called Adam and he is as camp and anything and pulls me off doing other, boring jobs to have a natter with him ^_^

I have to stand at the door and give out flyers and direct customers. It means I get to dress up in any of the stuff we have in store. I’ve taken a liking to the witches hats! I also wander around the shop floor and tidy, help people and watch suspicious customers. And for a while I was upstairs, pricing up the Christmas stock. I love the pricing gun! The only issue is that, being a seasonal store, it’s going to be Christmassy after Halloween… and everyone knows how filled with Christmas sprit I can be (!)

In… less good news, I’ve managed to cause quite substantial drama. Some things I wrote came out wrong and have been taken the wrong way and stuff has escalated into a lovely mess, I’m not quite sure how I’m supposed to sort out… but whatever.

But this evening I went to Jenny P’s birthdya party. She asked me yesteday in work, which was a bit of a shock as I don’t know her that well, but we went to an Italian restaurant with a whole bunch of people from school and it was really enjoable.

Ho, hum, back to the grindstone.

I started back at sixth form on Friday (what a weird, pointless day to go back!)

They’ve completely changed the structure of the school day and I hate it. We have to be in at 8:30! I don’t usually leave my house until 8:30 on a good day! Then, we have form, then two hour long lessons, then break. After break, we have ANOTHER two hour lessons before an hour for lunch and then another lesson. Seriously, what is the point in that? We only finish half an hour earlier than we used to and now no-one can concentrate for TWO lessons before lunch, instead of one. Also, it means even if you only have fourth lesson, you have to stay in school for three, pointless hours.

It’s horrible and stupid and the school didn’t listen at all to the parent’s or student’s opinions one little bit. It’s just a way for our useless head teacher to be a ‘pioneer’

However, my timetable is rather nice. It looks like this:







Although I will have to give up… two frees for the German assistant, I like the fact that I only ever have one lesson on a Tuesday and can go home by 10:45 and have lots of afternoons off. Actually, the only thing I’m unhappy with at the moment, is the fact that my only full day is on a Monday – the day I MOST want to go home and sleep!

Anyway, we started back on a Week B and did formy type things until 3rd, which was German, and cancelled. So I technically had a completely free day. But I just sat in the block and caught up with people and played cards – I actually won at Cheat, for the first time ever! It was really nice seeing everyone again.

I saw Mr. Lewis and yelled ‘I passed AND I got an A!’
And he replied with ‘I know! I love you! Although I don’t know how the examiners managed to decipher your scrawl. But well done!’ and gave me a hug. He’s defiantly back in my good books and I’m actually going to put in effort for him this year.

I like being a year 13. It’s very nice being one of the oldest in the school and also having Rhys and Trig and Lisa and such in the block.

Also, Eddi had been to France and brought back a Tokio Hotel poster book for Sarah and I to share. It actually works out really well, because she’s a Tom fan, so she gets all the Tom, I get all the Bill and we share the G’s out equally. It also meant I got this fantastic poster. Bill is singing to Georg, who is grinding his bass and then there is an insert of Tom, pulling an ‘orgasm’ face XD

I walked home with Rhys and Ray. Some year 7s started on us! Seriously, they’ve been in comprehensive all of two days, were about 4 ft high,. And decided tom try and pick a fight with sixth formers! It was actually really funny. They calles Rhys’ skinnies ‘skimpies’

That evening, we came home and had a Chinese as a kind of farewell to the summer holidays.

I really, really mean it when I say I’m going to work this year. I somehow managed to get good enough grades in my AS’s… but I still think that was a fluke and I really need the grades this year. Especially now I’m all but set on trying for Kings. But yes… a lot less time procrastinating and sleeping in the day… a lot more time studying, reading and doing essays. And this time, I actually mean it… so if I’m spending way too much time on here CHUCK ME OFF! Hopefully things will be easier now I have more frees… but saying that, now Rhys is in sixthform too, all hell may well break loose!

Today, there was a party type thing at Rhys and Beth’s house because it was Bethan’s birthday while she was away in Africa. It was a family thing, but I’m practically family haha, so I went too, and so did Meg. Their little cousins were immensely loud and hyper, but we all took shelter up in Rhys’ bedroom and ate smarties.

is the birthday of both Gustav Schaefer (Tokio Hotel) and the amazing crawling_angel

(I really hope that's correct!)

Happy birthdya to the both of you. I hope you spend your day in all maner of wonderous ways!

After all the fuss of the night before, the London trip was actually rather enjoyable in the end.

My mother and I got the train up and separated at Paddington station. I found my way to the university without much trouble, it was only a couple of hundred yards away from several tube stations. I checked in and got a timetable and decided to attend to a lecture whilst I was waiting. It was on European Law and the guy giving the lecture was fantastic. He had a very soft accent which alerted me to the fact he was German. He was also rather patriotic (something that’s always bound to strike a chord with me) and had the most fantastically dry sense of humor that had me in silent giggle fits for half of the lecture. He was amazing. I would consider law at Kings, just to get him as a lecturer. I found the subject really interesting and engaging, actually a lot more so than I would have expected.
After the lecture, I met up with my mother again and went on a tour of the building. It was alright, all the usual facilities and features. It had a very pretty pre-Raphelite style Chapel and some gorgeous stone corridors( which were mainly undergoing restoration) but other than that, the building was very basic, no-where near the grandiose of Bristol, but that made it seem far less imposing and far more like a building where real PEOPLE could live and study.
Then I attended the specific talk on Law and German. It was the fantastic German lecturer again. He explained the course in detail and with clear passion. The one that I am looking at would involve an almost equal division of German language and law modules – it would also mean two years in the Humboldt University in Berlin. I was only expecting one year in Germany, but this way means two whole years which I would not have to pay tuition fees – so, effectively, I only pay half the price for the course. Everything about it seemed oh so perfect – living in two of my favorite cities, the two years in Germany, a practically perfect course structure and 20 places. Yes, competitive, I know… but my AS levels have managed to improve my confidence no end… maybe, if I work hard enough and want this enough, I can achieve it?

Anyway, after all the university business was over, we wandered over to Covent Garden and had a look at all the lovely shops they have there. There was a busker singing perfect Opera! I was trying to find a shop Matt had recommended to me, called Cyber Candy… but had forgotten to take down the address, so it was a little like searching for a needle in a haystack – but I managed to spot the sign from the other end of the street. I rather enthusiastically yelled ‘There it is!’… and in response, some random man waling past interjected with ‘Well spotted!’ which sent me into a giggle fit. The shops itself was actually rather incredible. It had all sort of sweets and chocolates from all over the world. Europe, Australia, America, China, Japan…. They had everything from discontinued sweets, to brightly coloured packets covered in characters I couldn’t decipher, to sour cream and onion flavored scorpions and ant lollipops! I bought a variety of some of the most interesting looking things I could find, however couldn’t gather the courage to try ants or scorpions.

That evening, my mother took me for a meal in China Town. I love that place. It’s so vibrant and colourful. The food is always fantastic, whether you go to the fanciest, most expensive restaurant, or grab a take-away from a tiny little stall. And the super-market type stalls are always fascinating. You generally don’t have a CLUE what on earth is it you’re buying – but that’s half of the fun of it. I got these weird jelly stick things… but they are really nice!

Saturday morning, my mother took me to Borough Market. It was incredible. I have never seen a fresh produce market like it. There were all kinds of artisan breads, fancy cheeses, weird meats (for example: Ostrich) and foreign delicacies.
After wandering around that, we wandered up past the river and watched a matinee performance of Carmen Jones. It was stunning. It was so powerful; the vocals were utterly breathtaking, the songs and score incredible, the acting perfect and it was so visual and moving.
After that, we ate in Wagamama, and caught the train back home again.

The past few days have been spent doing shockingly little, other than bumming around lots with Rhys and/or Ray.Here is a jumbled list of events:

*Rhys and I bought cheap sanding masks from Homebase and then painted them to look cybery, making a lot of mess in the process. Then we went around my house, wearing them, with goggles in falls. Later, my mother asked “Are you mad?… Or is Rhys mad? Or do you just… bring out the madness in each other?”

*I blew the cherry candy bubbles I got in Cybercandy for Rhys in the garden, and he chased them around like a puppy.

*We had a fight with the Chinese jelly sticks.

* Ray and Rhys did square dancing!

*We went for Sushi. There was a boy with chop-sticks in his hair, playing pokemon. We renamed him ‘Choppy-Choppy-poke-boy!” and managed to thoroughly annoy the waiting staff again.

*We had several ice-pop fights, and rolled them down a hill in a race.

*Rhys called kids on heelies ‘Rats on Roller-Skates!”

*Rhys also called sleeping bags ‘The Devils bin bags”

*I slept over Ray’s and they drew on my face, back, legs, feet and arms.

*Rhys helped me make a set of falls and got completely tangled up in the wool

*We went on an adventure to Borders

*I became 'Grufti, the incredible Sonja', Ray is 'Rat E, the Sonic Death Monkey' and together with 'Mimsy Spink, the Fairy Queen', we are 'the Melty faces'. We even have a secret handshake. Which involves square dancing!

Also, I met up with Dom today and he gave me my ‘Little Bit ‘O’ This And That’, my ‘Enchant’ and my t-shirt. They are FANTASTIC. I already had all the tracks off Enchant, but the booklet, full of Emilie’s handwriting is utterly beautiful… and the booklet for ‘A Bit O’ This And That’ is utterly fantastic. It has instructions on ‘Cucumber Sandwiches, The Queens Way’ and ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’… played on the harpsichord! And the S-shirt is beautiful too. It’s a kind of soft pink colour (me, wearing pink!?) and says ‘Once Upon A Time Is Now’ on it. Also, Dom has bought me a ticket for The Birthday Massacre in Bristol and is refusing to let me pay for it!

In other, less good news, however, Dom is leaving. For good. He is being made to go to boarding school in Ireland and has no say in it. It sounds utterly dreadful. Even though I used ot find him really creepy… he’s a sweet guy and I’m going to miss him, And by that, I am NOT shallow enough to mean ‘I am going to miss his credit card’. I am actually going to really rather miss him >.

Fuck.

I really don’t appreciate my mother’s boyfriend enough.

Tomorrow… well technically today my mother and I were going to London in order to look at Kings College University… even though I was previously so convinced I wanted to study in London… I’m not so sure anymore. And anyway, generally these university open days just make me feel common, stupid, inadequate and really fucking depressed. Also, the last few times I’ve been to London it’s been a complete nightmare, so I was already looking at the whole thing as more of an ordeal than anything else.

Anyway, my mum had been asking me to get myself organized for a few days, but we’re only going for one night and how long does it take to put a t-shirt in a bag? Anyway, this evening at around 10 she asks me to get my Student Railcard ready for the morning, because the tickets were booked with it. At around 11:30, I got offline and went in my draw where it always is and realized it wasn’t there. Then it dawned on me – I’d gone up to my father’s on the train before Germany and had left it at his house because I didn’t want to carry any more around Germany than I had to and I didn’t want it getting stolen.

So… I kind of announce it through the wall. Blind panic starts here. My mother screaming at me that she told me to get organized days ago. Am I sure it’s not there. Why didn’t I realize sooner? What if they fine us?…. We turned every draw up-side-down looking for the receipt so we could get a replacement… but no joy.\

I really hate situations like that. All I can do is shrug and instate that its not really my fault. Whilst my mother gestures haplessly at me that she doesn’t know what to do. And I invariably end up in tears, either mid-argument or just after my mother leaves. Then she appologises... which turn into a guilt-trip!

And oh, bloody buggeration!

Anyway, I eventually ended up phoning my father and going through my options with him. He was splendidly calm and jokey on the phone with me, which was incredibly calming and he even offered to drive all the way down to post it through the letter box. To be fair, he goes to bed at around the same time as me.
But then Robert stepped in and said it wasn’t fair and is meeting him halfway.

Robert really has been amazing, though. He calmed my mother down, told her it wasn’t my fault and is currently driving to the service station. He also told me not to worry and basically managed to avert World War Three in our household.
I don’t give him enough credit, I really don’t.

Here’s a little follow-up with the rest of the Germany photos not from M’era Luna. They are mostly of the graveyard.

Oooooh, there is this band that was featured in YAM!… they are called Cinema Bizarre and are *ahem* “J-Rock” from Berlin. They’re sound is basically god-awful pop…but their style is “Visual Kei”… i.e Gothic/Rock look and they are German and drop-dead-fucking-gorgeous. And this is just to announce right now that I freaking adore them… and can see them turning into my next big obsession.

Here is their myspace: http://www.myspace.com/cinemabizarre

But yeah, after a brief bout of fangirling, on to ( The Photos! )

to fill in the time, whilst I'm trying and failing to cath up with my f-pages a little. I'm sorry, I'm a bad, bad lj freind. I promise from now on I will keep up-to-date. But in the meantime, you know the drill, comment me with any big news, changes or things you'd like to tell me.

Also, just for laughs, stolen from mein_zwitter

Ask me one question on each of the following and I must answer honestly. Repost in your own journals if you so wish.

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. LiveJournal

M’era Luna, Hannover and Berlin entry. Truly mammoth, even by rambly standards and full of photos. So I cut it to spare the f-pages!

( A Truly Gothic Time )

I got back home last night rather late. My flight was fine, if a little rough due to turbulence.

This morning I went into school to get my exam results. I honest to go thought I had realyl managed to completely fuck these up. I don't really know what I was expecting... but it certainly wasn't what I got:

English lantlit: A
German: A
History: A
Psychology: B

I am so incredibly fucking happy! I really wasn't expecting anything like that good. Suddenly everything seems brighter and university seems like a possiblity again. It also solves the problem of what subject to drop next year.

My mum is really pleased, even my dad was nice. He called them "acceptable" which, from him, is praise.

We cracked open a bottle of champaigne this evenign to celebrate.

I feel like all my problems have resolved themselves. I did well in my exams, I lost weight in Germany and, although I'm no where near happy, I don't want to tear my own skin from my body. I've even decided I'm going to be strong against Adam.

Also, I got to see Chris today. I launched myself at him in a flying hug. He got back from a month in Venezuela the day I left for Germany and hell, I missed him so much.

I will shortly follow up this entry with an annocunt of the rest of my time in Germany, including the INCREDIBLE M'era Luna!

Hello from Köln.

After my last entry, I went up to my room in my hostel and all but fell asleep, planning to get an early night... but then my phone went off with a missed call alert from my mother... and then another and then another - I had no more credit which meant I couldn't even recieve calls. She kept on and on trying to call... so I tried to use a payphone, but got confused trying to input the code and couldn't get through. So I went online in a panic, asking my freinds to call my mum and explain everything and tell her I was fine. There was no reply. Eventually, I found out the correct area code, thanks to Dom, and tried myself, time and time again. No bloody reply. Nor on my mothers mobile, nor on Robert's mobile - GYAH! So I went for a walk. I wandered all around Magdeburg, after dark, stopping at every phone box I saw to try again and again... all without success.

Exhausted, I returned to my hostel and got an email from my mother explaining she'd gone out. Well, really. Don't call me a thousand times and then fuck off out! It's beyond frustrating!

Did I mention that I had the room to myself in Magdeburg? It was just weird, they came a room on the "third" floor... which was up NINE flights of stairs and very nearly killed me!... but it was a four person room and when I arrived, there was nothing in there. I figured that it was pretty early and that people would probably turn up later... but no. I suppose Magdeburg isn't a very popular desitination. Anyway, I mannaged to get the first decent nights sleep I've had in forever and wrote 'Luise liebt Tokio Hotel für immer' on the bunkbed, beacuse it was already covered in graffitti anyway, I thought I may as well add my mark.

Yesterday, I got up fairly early and had another wander around Magdeburg's town center. As far as I can make out, almost all of it was in a kind of shopping mall type thing, but I found a Müller outside of it, and bought 'Room 483' there. Again, it felt extra-special because it was from Magdeburg! Then I went back to my hostel and collected my stuff and stumbled to the Hauptbahnhof. It would only be around a 2 minute walk, but my bag is RIDICULOUSLY heavy, especially when you consider the million and one magazines I have in there.

At the Hauptbahnhof, I found a can of energy drink called 'Gay Fuel' how awesome is that? I think that Bill drinks it and only SAYS he drinks REd Bull. Naturally, I had to buy a can and took some photos of it. It's pretty awesome, actually, it raises funds for AIDS related charities and such.

Then I caught my train to Köln... it was a pretty long train... almost five hours, but I browsed my book on Germany and listened to music, so it went quick enough. I got fairly lost at the Haupbahnhof in Köln... despite directions from Sarah, the internet AND my guide book, it still took me forever and a day to find the correct U-bahn, work out how to buy a ticket and get on it. It was all most confusing!

I had been intending to meet Sab, but unfortunately her boss chose yesterday, of all days to keep her late >.< I'm disapointed, but it's not her fault at all and I'm sure there will be other oppurtunities in the future.

So I rearranged all my stuff... it's shocking how messed up stuff gets in a backpack... the thing you want has ALWAYS mannaged to work it's way down to the bottom and I keep on buying so much junk, it's a small wonder!

Again, when I arrived in my room, it was empty, but luckily, a lovely Turkish German girl came in a few hours later. She was so, so nice. She thought I was from Bavaria... which made my MONTH! She offered me rose water and kept trying to feed me! She left again this morning before I had woken up and left me a little latter saying I could always contact her if I needed anything and her number... and two packets of Turkish biscuits!

The weather took a turn for the worse/better, depending on your point of view as I neared Köln, it got cooler and greyer and everything was soaked in a kind of grey mist... most people would find that depressing, but I found it a very welcome relief from the heat. Then, in the evening, there were beautiful thunder storms, with flashes of lightning illuminating the rain-filled skies. There was a huge window, which I left wide open all night and sat for a while on the window sill, watching the rain.

Today, I got up and had a look around the town center. I've seen it briefly a few times on school trips, but it's always been a mad rush, so it was really nice to browse and see everythign properly and at my own pace.

I took in the monumental grace and gothic beauty of the towering cathedral, it's twin spires shorouded in mist and sat and listened to the ethereal ringing of the bells.
I foud a fair few smaller Romanesque churches and browsed them, but I have no idea of thier names. The guide book was no help - there are dozens of religious sites in Köln.

Then I found the massive Saturn on the top floor of Galeria Kaufhof. It's not FAIR how much German music stores put ours to shame. This one even had a 'Gothic' section. I alway, always, always end up spending way, way too much money on CDs in Germany. I ended up getting Angelspit - Krankhaus, IAMX - Kiss And Swallow, .... another Crüxshadows CD I can't remember the name of, A J-Rock CD and the third and final version of Spring Nicht, the one I didn't zet have. The Cashier gave me such an odd look at the combination of music I bought!

Tomorrow, I have to get up at the crack of bloody dawn in oder to get to the station to go to M'era Luna. Wh00t! Emilie Autumn (again), Dir En Grey, Assemblage 23 and Jesus on Exstasy tomorrow! XD I hope the weather stays cool in Hildesheim... gothic clothes + make up + heat = melty goth!

After writing the last entry, I returned to my room. There was a lovely girl from Melbourne there and we sat and chatted for a few hours, while I repacked my stuff. The two German girls got back... a while after it got dark, we noticed a black cloud of mozzies that had gathered on the bloody ceiling, bellow the light - we waged warfare on them! It was hillarious, we spent ages ballanced on tables or leaning off the bed, swatting at them with anything that came to hand. By the time we were done, the walls and ceilings were smeared with blood!

I slept dreadfully, again.

I accidentally got a bus without paying and got imesnly lost on the U-bahn. The bloody stop for the Hauptbahnhof isn't actually marked as that. And then I couldn't find a transfer train. But I eventullly got there with a bit of help.

Just as I got there, so did a train to Magdeburg, so I caught it. It was a double-decker and so clean n high-tech, it completly puts British trains to shame.
There was an adorable German boy in the seat in front that took a liking to me. I ended up reading him picture books - Elmer The Elephant in German, and the weirdest book EVER about a mole trying to find out who pooed on his head. WTF?

I got impressively lost in Magdeburg, my hostel is completly hidden, so I mannaged to walk straight past it and on for miles. Which was not fun considering the weight of my bag. Eventually I found it and dumped my stuff and went to explore.

I found Die Grüne Citadel, which is this seriously weird pink building which looks like something out of Dr. Seuss. I also found the catheral, which is the oldest gothic catheral in Germany. It was beautiful and huge and imposing, as Gothic cathedrals are wont to be. Unfortunately, half of it was coverd in scaffolding and archeological digs.
I was greatly amused that two girls had grafittied thier names along with Tokio Hotel on an information board outside.

After that, I found a shopping mall. I got the CORRECT version of Spring Nicht, a Tokio Hotel day planner and an official Deustchrock t-shirt, which feels all the more special because it's from Magdeburg.

I wandered around, having to exert SERIOUS controll over my innerfangirl who was dying to have a wibble-fit over the stupidest things. I was convinced I found where Tom bought his 'Gangsta' clothes, and it was also a percing shop, so I'm convinced Bill got his tounge and eyebrow and Tom had his lip done there. I'm in my own world, hysterically giggling at things no-one else would understand. I listened to Tokio Hotel the entire time.

My plot bunnies are on viagra!

I'm finding it a little hard to believe that this little city could produce something so fucking huge... and it all seems so normal, which breeds sympathy for Bill.

Anyway, time is running out and I HATE this keyboard-

Tomorrow I meet Sab, I'm excited but nervous!

After writing my last journal entry, I still had a fair bit of time to kill, so I treated myself to a Starbucks caramel coffee frapuchino - itäs the only way to start a journay ^^ Shortly after, my fliught began boarding. It was free seated, so I opted for the first free seat I saw. It was next to a lovely German woman who spoke 'Denglish' to me, and she had the sweetest little daughter ever. If I ever have children, I want them to be German!

It seemed that almost all the passengers on the flight were German. This managed to similtaneousy soothe and exictie me. The flight was smooth as we soared through picture-book blue skies with cotten-wool clouds. that fucking euphoric feeling came over me once again like that lyric from 'The Dream' by The Birthday Massacre:

And now she flies
Over the clouds and twilight skies
Nothing to bind her
No-one will find her this high
Far above clouds and riny weather
All plans have come together
And for the first time she feels Just Fine

And right now, just for a moment, everything is Just. Fucking. Fine. Right now it doesnöt matter that it's results day the day after I get back and I know trhat I have completely and utterly fucked it up. It doesn't matter that Adam text me again... and I know just what that means... and wish I could be naieve enough to believe he just wants a casual chat... and don't even really care, either, beacause it's Adam. It doesnät matter that no-one ion the entirity of Swansea seems to want to hire me. It doesn't even matter that I was tempted by the weighing scales when I was checking my rucksack was within the allowance and the dial read something truly and utterly horrific. None of that matters right now. Because right now, I can do whatever the fuck I want to. Fior the first time in my life, I am completely free.

My flight landed at Schöenfeld airport and I swiftly collected my baggage, got my fix of German magazines and caught a taxi to my youth hostel. Itäs fairly nice, clean and airy. It reminds me a lot of residentials at Dan-y-coed as a kid. I#m sharing a room with four other girls. Two are wearing matching christian t-shirts and thought 10pm was late... but they are very sweet, i think the other speaks English... and the other got in very late and hasn't said a word to me.

It felt like I didn't get any sleep at all last night, but I'm funcationing, so I must have got some. But it's horrendouslz hot and people make lots of nose outside until the small hours.
Despite all that, I mannaged to get up early this morning and get started. I followed a few Bristish boys out of the hostel to Potsdamer Platz station, got a day ticket and tried to decide what to do with myself.

I decided to try and find one of the 'Goth Shops' I'd seen recommended. I got the right train to the right station and even found the right street... but the shop was number 39... and the street only went up to 32... I wandered around and around trying to find it, but eventually gave up!

Then me, being me, decided to go and visit The Erotic Museum. That was amusing. They had all kinds of fertility symbols and aphrodisiacs and erotic art from all over the world from all kinds of time periods. I felt like such a little pervert!

After that, I thought I'd try going shopping. I rememberd the guide book saying there was a Saturn in Alexanderplatz, so I got another u-bahn and found it. There were all kinds of amazing CDS you just can't get in Britain that I wanted. but I limited myself to an new E Nomine CD. I could only find one copy of Room 483, but it was 20 E... I may come back and spend the rest of my money, if I have any left, but I might just wait, I've got all the songs anyway, and I've waited this long... I may as well get it in Britain. There was also a Galeria Kaufhof, so I found the 'screibwaren' section and got myself a new Tokio Hotel notebook and folder.. I desperately wanted to 2008 callender... but it would be a bitch to carry, so I'll leave it and get it if it's still there on my last day.

Then, the Gay Musum was supposed to be open, so I took a few more U-bahns and walked and walked and walked until I found it. Bloody closed. But there was a sweet gay man who gave me some leaflets and such... I may try again. There were some incredible second-hand shops around the area, and I mannaged to accidentally find another of the Goth Shops oin my list - Plaste Elaste. It had a lot of Sinister stuff, which is nice but VERY pricey... and the otehr stuff was the kind of trash you'd find in Blue Banana!

On my way back, I accidentallly found a graveyard.. but it was open to the public, so I thought I'd take a look. It was incredible. It was so huge I couldn't begin to hope of seeing it all. silent and shady in the heat a traffic of the city, I wandered between the stones of jet and marble, straring in wonderment. Ancient next to brand new, opulent extravagence next to those who couldn't even afford a headstone, generations upon generations of the same family in huge, family mausoleums. Some crumbled to dust, others propped up by wooden beams and others held together by the tangle of vines that covered them. I wandered for hours there, entranced by the beauty. Glittering dragonflies flitted between the gravestones and there were pathways, fountains and even ornamental gardens.

Hello, last little entry before I jet off to Germany.

I'm currently bored out of my mind in Bristol airport, paying extortionate prices for net acess!

The past few days I've spent with my father. They have been really plesant, actually. He took me up to see his new horse. It is grey and one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen, so elegant and graceful and gentle.

I also saw my grandparents again. That was... a bit emotionally draining. You knwo my grandfather had bowel cancer but they operated on it, took it out and whipped him in for chemo and testing? Well... the testing came up postivie. The caancer has spread... now it's in his lungs. It's very upsetting and I don't really have much to say... but he seems to be coping fairly well and is looking good. so they're going to assess him more after a few more courses of chemo. But... he's getting all... I can't think of the word... but eh gave me the cheque I've been promised since I was little for £2000. It's for university and I'll out it in the back as soon as I get back... but that a HELL of a lot of money and it came as a real shock.

Anyway, my time is running out and I'll soon be off, although I promise to try and check my journal as much as possible out there and emails and myspace and all that junk, so I'll be easy to contact.

I guess I'm quite nervous... flying on my own for the first time to a foreign country for 9 whole days is quite a dauting prospect... but at the same time I'm incredible excited!

I'll keep you all posted!


...

The last week or so has been pretty busy.

I’ve caught up with some old friends. I stayed over Shibs’s twice which naturally meant a lot of gossip and very little sleep. She took me to Oakwood park, which is the only real theme park in Wales. It’s alright, I guess, recently they’ve added a new rollercoaster with a vertical drop, loop-the-loop and corkscrew, which was pretty awesome. We also went after dark, which meant much shorter queues, fewer whining children and a fireworks display. We were sat behind this adorably sweet Goth couple of around my age which made me feel a bit sort of ‘woe is me, I wish I had Goth friends’ for a while, but the feeling passed.
I also caught up with Lauren, who I haven’t seen properly in years. It was so lovely to get back in touch with her and reminisce about when we were children.
Summer also means lots of bumming around with Ray and Rhys, doing very little indeed.
And I went for a walk around the park with Eddi.

My sleeping pattern is completely screwed. I’m entirely nocturnal… no matter how little sleep I get, I cannot seem to be able to sleep during hours of darkness.

Sarah is back from Germany. She bought a ridiculously incredible amount of German magazines, a copy of each for me and her. How she carried them, I will never know. I have about twenty and two of them are ENTIRELY Tokio Hotel. I adore them and the posters are just gorgeous beyond belief. There is a massive close up one of Bill’s face, in such high definition, you could count his eyelashes and can see the tiny hairs on his face. It’s so beautiful it makes me ache! German magazines really do make me ridiculously, ridiculously happy. You know I’m going to be staggering through customs with the weight of a small tree in magazines! I also have a little key ring of a cuddly hippo with a heart. I have named him Wolfgang ^_^, partly after the great Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and partly after Gusti ^_^ (/Well, Sarah did insist I give him a German name!)

I’ve had a few driving lessons. I accidentally witness and very nearly ploughed into an orgy of cows down on Gower… but recently I’ve improved a tiny bit, less swerving all over the place and yanking the gears to change, and more gentle breaking, which is nice.

I’m going to be away for Rhys’s birthday, so we celebrated it Friday instead. We went to see Transformers, which was in my opinion just a load of fancy cars and big hunks of metal flying into other big hunks of metal, but it was entertaining enough for a while, even if I felt it did really drag on for a film with very little plot. But afterwards we went for Sushi which was both wonderful and hilarious. Rhys sang a little song to his miso and we tried every desert but one on the menu. We were so loud and giggly, I swear everyone in there was glaring daggers at us by the time we left.

I also found out, however, that Rhys's mother and eight year old little sister have read my livejournal profile beacuse it was linked to Beth's blog (she's in Africa and wants to keep in touch). OI was mortified, beacuse, well, this is my private journal and my intoduction is very... BLUNT! >.<

But recently everything has been a bit of a hectic rush of organization and packing. I’m almost done now, I think I’ve got my massive ridiculous backpack done, now all I need to do is hand luggage and cosmetics and junk like that and I’m away.

Just to say I’m having a little clear-up of my friend page… nothing drastic, but there are a few people on here who I’ve never spoke to, or don’t have a language in common with or have no idea who they are. If I delete you, but you would like to remain on my journal, leave a comment here and I’ll add you back. I’m just beginning to wonder who’s on here, you know?

If anyone would like a postcard from Germany, please leave a comment to this entry with your name and the address you would like it to be sent to. Obviously, all comments will be screened.